What A Fuster Cluck

Last week I arranged services at the National Cemetery for a person we had previously cremated. At the request of the family, I arranged for the urn to be placed in a columbarium, or an above ground niche. We had to pick the family up at their home in the limousine, drive them to the cemetery, stay with them throughout the ceremony, then drive them back. The cemetery was scheduled for 2pm. I picked up the family about 12:35, planning on an hour drive, with time for a restroom break once we arrived. Well, the trip was much shorter than I anticipated. Even going slower than the speed limit the entire way, it was only a 45 minute drive. We arrived at 1:25. We were the first, as other friends and family were meeting us there. They slowly arrived, and finally, about 2:15, the cemetery representative came to lead us out into the cemetery where the ceremony would take place. He was going over the paperwork with the family and there were two mistakes. First, they had the surviving spouses birthday down as the deceased's birthday, and second, they had arranged for ground burial. I pointed out the family wanted the columbarium, so he had to go back to the office and get that worked out. We were finally led out into the cemetery about 2:30. The ceremony was longer than the cemetery cares for, but by that time we were so late it really didn't matter. We finally left the cemetery about 3:30 to return the family home, where they were hosting a luncheon. The guests at the cemetery didn't know how to get back to the house, so they all followed me in the limousine. I did well until we were just a few miles from our destination. I lost a couple of stragglers at a red light. I slowed way down and allowed them to catch up to us. We arrived at the gated community and I told the guard that the 5 cars behind me were with me, but they insisted on stopping each car and checking them before letting them in. I was waiting for the car behind me to catch up, then I was going to proceed very slowly to the luncheon, but the car behind me decided to sit there and wait for all the cars to get through, so I just drover veeeeerrrry slowly through the neighborhood until they all caught up. I was so glad to drop everyone off and head back to work. By the time I arrived it was quitting time.

Maybe I Should Have Been A Doctor

Last Wednesday was one very busy day. I got to work and was having my cup of coffee when my boss calls. We have two bodies to pick up at a local hospital. I get the information I need, make sure I've got two stretchers in my van and head out. I get to the hospital and security meets me at the morgue; we get the paperwork in order, get the first body on the stretcher, get him in the car, then I come back for the second body. We get that body on the stretcher and I'm done, so I head back. I get back to the funeral home and am immediately told I didn't sign all the paperwork, and I have to return to the hospital. I call them and ask if they can fax it. I was told no, I have to sign the originals. So I head back and find security. The guard leads me to the office and tells me, "You didn't put your funeral home name down here, and you didn't sign your name on the other form." Then he points to my signature on the one form I did sign, and says, "Is that your signature?" I tell him yes. He asks, "What is your name?" Puzzled, I tell him {First Name Last Name}. Then he cops an attitude and says, "How am I supposed to know that from this signature?" I point out that he had me print my name on another form, but he repeats, "Yes, but from looking at this form, how would anyone be able to read your name?" I simply told him, "Maybe I should have been a doctor..." and walked away. It pissed me off so much I almost complained to his supervisor, but I didn't because I will have to go back to that hospital at some point and deal with him or his colleagues again.