Easy Come, Easy Go

I'm on vacation this week. I've got the in-laws from out of state visiting. Monday we went to the casino. My wife and her sister and mother played the slots, I headed straight for blackjack. $5 minimum, so I started out with $20 in chips. Within just a few hands, I had doubled my money. I then got up and went to the slots, where I piddled around for a little while. I kept coming back to blackjack, playing a couple of hands, moving up and down, leaving when I lost too many hands in a row. I hit a decent payout on a slot machine, and I was having a good time. At some point I went back to blackjack, and got on a losing streak. Eventually I was down to nothing. I had run out of slot money, as well. I took a couple of tokens from my wife, parlayed those into enough for another blackjack hand, and won! I was excited. I put $5 down, drew a 20 with the dealer showing 3. Naturally, I stood. She turns over an 8, for a total of 11. You can imagine what happened next. She draws a 10 for 21. I was so flabbergasted, I actually blurted out, "you've got to be kidding me!" I played my last $5 and lost. I went to the casino with $50, had probably doubled my money at one point, and came home empty handed (and headed). I should have quit while I was ahead.

Thank Him For What?

Last week my boss, at the request of one of the hospital chaplains in our town, went about 35 miles south to meet with the chaplain's brother-in-law, who was terminal. So he goes down there, makes the prearrangements, and comes back and files away the paperwork. A few days later (Tuesday, the 7th), we get the call, and I'm on duty. So I get out of bed at 6am, get ready and go down and make the removal. I then take the body to the crematory, come back to the funeral home, contact the doctor, then enter the file, generate the death certificate and permits, then run the certificate down to the doctor, who is also in the same town 35 miles south of us. Once the cremation is accomplished, I print up the prayer cards for the graveside service, which the family set up all on their own, just down the road from their house, by the way, pick up the ashes and urn, take the contract and other assorted paperwork needing signatures, down to the graveside service, where I assist, including leading a procession of people from the chapel over to the niche, where the priest blesses the space, then I place the urn inside. After the service, I proceed to the doctor's office, pick up the death certificate, take it to the health department, file it, wait for it, then take the certified copies back to the family's home, have the family sign the contract and other paperwork, answer all their questions, then prepare to head back north. After all of this, which started on Tuesday and ended this afternoon about 12:30pm, the family tells me, "be sure to thank {my boss} for us."

Honestly, I've got to tell you, I feel kind of slighted. I know that they don't know what went on behind the scenes, but they haven't seen my boss since he made the initial consultation. All he's done is talk to them on the phone a few times. I know I shouldn't feel envious or jealous, that the important thing is the family was very pleased with how everything was handled, but still...

Why My Boss Frustrates Me, Sometimes (Part 3)

I had yesterday off, so I had no idea what I was walking into when I got to work this morning. I see we had a couple of calls since Sunday, so I go up front to see what has and hasn't been done as far as generating death certificates, dropping them off, picking them up, etc. In the meantime, Takes A Day Off was on his way to the Medical Examiner's office to pick up a body. My boss comes in and starts looking through the errand book and sees that Takes A Day Off forgot to take the death certificates to drop off on his way to the ME's office. (These certificates are for the county immediately south of us). So he says we'll have to mail them, be sure and get an envelope typed up and get everything ready for the mail. He also tells me we need to pick up this one particular death certificate, which is just a couple of blocks away. So I get in the car and go after it, plus make a deposit at the bank. When I return, the death certificate and application are right where I left them, on top of the typewriter, waiting for someone to type up the envelope for mailing. It would have taken my boss all of 5 minutes to sit down and type this up, but did he? No, he didn't.

Returning Employee told me that yesterday he embalmed a body, then went on a service. All that needed to be done was to suture the incisions, then bathe. Did my boss do any of those while Returning Employee was out on his service? No, he left it for someone else to do, which is pretty much how he operates. I guess his personal motto is, "Why do yourself what you can get someone to do for you?"

Parts 1 & 2

Monday Morning Adventures

I was off call this weekend, so I had no idea what may or may not have happened Saturday and Sunday. Turns out, it was a lot! I walked into work this morning to find four embalmed bodies in the prep room, which was four more than when I left work Friday. One of them was viewing with services at 11am. Of course, everything needed to be done: bathing, suturing the incisions, dressing, casketing, cosmetizing, hair, etc. About 8:30am the secretary sticks her head in and announces the family wants to come in at 9 for a sneak preview. We did our best to get everything ready, but we did not make the 9am deadline. I think it was closer to 9:30 before the owner moved the casket into the chapel.
I spend the rest of the morning helping to suture and bathe all the other bodies. Here is the strangest part about all those calls; every last one of them gets sent out of state. I was give the responsibility of arranging air transportation for one of them. I took care of quite easily, but the airfare was more expensive than I thought it would be. Usually it runs about $400 to send a body out of state, but this particular shipment was about $565. I don't know if it's because of the destination, or just that the carrier is overpriced.
About 10pm this evening, I got a call from the guy I share on-call duties with. He's on his way to another city about 2 to 3 hours away for a call, which means anything that comes in for the rest of the night is for me to deal with.

When Scammers Call

Today, just before closing, we had someone trying to scam us. I'm not sure how these things work, but recently funeral homes have become a popular target. The intended victim will get an email, or a phone call, or, as in my case, a relay call. A relay call is when someone who is hearing impaired calls a relay center, who in turn calls the place of business, then relays messages from you to the other person, who is communicating via a TTY device.

Anyway, the person called and the story went something like this: He lives in our town, and is on a trip to Canada. He gets word while he's away that his wife has died in Nigeria. Can we have her shipped over and do we take credit cards? He then offers to give us the name and number of the mortuary in Nigeria, and will pay via credit card. As best I can tell from searching the internet, the funeral home pays out the money to the "mortuary" which is usually a dummy corporation or a confederate posing as a funeral director. When the credit card is billed, it's either stolen or invalid, or at some point the person will change their mind and ask for a refund via wire transfer or some such.

I put the operator on hold, called the owner and explained the situation. He told me it was a scam and to get rid of the caller. At one point, the relay operator's supervisor broke in and explained that they had noticed an increase of inappropriate usage of the relay service. In other words, the scammers were using the relay service to excess. So I instructed the relay operator to tell the caller we could not help. Not two minutes later we get the exact same call from the exact same person. I told them we just had the exact same call, and to terminate the conversation.

Saved My Boss's Bacon

Yesterday was quite interesting. I was talking with the owner this past weekend about directors completing their files from start to finish. By that, I mean the director meets with the family, generates the death certificate, permits, writes the obituary, contacts the cemetery, etc. There are some directors (I won't mention my boss by name) who have a habit of meeting with families, then passing the file off to somebody else (like a junior director who happens to blog). Yesterday the owner saw this in action, and scolded my boss for treating me like his personal secretary. So I am ordered by the owner to stop doing the file for my boss and start running errands. My boss is then ordered to complete his own file. This particular case calls for burial at the National Cemetery on Monday, complete with honor guard. I got as far as filling out the burial application, then started running the errands. About 4pm today, after I've finished all the errands, I'm putting together the memorial package for Monday, when I notice there is no honor guard booked. So I make a couple of phone calls, get an honor guard lined up, then call my boss to make sure he hadn't booked one and simply forgot to write it down. It turns out that no, he had not. I told him not to worry, I had it covered. The secretary then tells me that while I was gone on errands today, the owner was looking over the board where our services are listed and asked my boss point blank if everything was set for Monday. His answer was, "yes." Good thing I caught that little oversight, or come Monday I'd be at the National Cemetery looking like an idiot.

Surprise Saturday

My apologies to everyone for not posting sooner, but in all honesty nothing much worth writing about has been happening.

However, today was an interesting day, so I'll share it with everyone. This is my weekend to work, and I show up at the funeral home this morning at about 8:30. We've had two calls overnight; one is an embalming for my location, the other is a cremation for our newly acquired funeral home. So I call Returning Employee and together we get the body embalmed. The owner shows up and tells me to go to the new location to keep an eye on the guys who are doing some painting and remodeling. I know that we had a memorial service at 2pm, but I figured the other director from the new location would be working, as he usually covers weekend services there.

Before I left, though, I called the director to see if I needed to put together a memorial package for the service: Guest book, memorial cards, thank you cards, etc. It turns out we do need one, so I get it together. As I'm almost ready to leave, the owner comes out from his meeting with the family of the gentleman we embalmed. We pull down a casket and put it in the selection room for them to look at. While we're doing that, the phone rings. A family has lost someone and wants to come in to make arrangements. The owner talks to them and makes an appointment. The body is at the medical examiner, so I can't get it until the family comes in and gives the ME office permission to release to us.

We finish getting the casket ready and are rolling it into the selection room when the phone rings again. I answer it and the lady says her mom has died and the hospice people called the wrong funeral home. We are supposed to handle everything. So I get her number, pull the file, and sure enough, we have the prepaid arrangements. So I call hospice and let them know I'm coming out to pick up the body. This is a direct cremation, so I proceed to our new location. I get the body into the cooler and the owner comes in. I ask him how long I am supposed to stay. He tells me 2:30! Imagine my surprise. I thought somewhere along the way someone would have told me I was working a memorial service today, but no, they didn't.

In the meantime, the owner had set an appointment with the lady I spoke to. She was to come in at 3pm. So I was sent back to the original location to meet with her. She came in and we took care of everything. Shortly after she left the owner comes back. He's meeting with the family of the call he took that morning. I'll be going after the body tomorrow.

What I thought was going to be a regular Saturday morning turned into an all day affair. I was glad when the owner told me I could go home. I wasted no time in leaving. I love my job, but sometimes it's good to end your day and go home to relax.

Back From Vacation

For the last week I've been out of town. My son was in a wedding; his best friend from high school got married Saturday, May 16. From the wedding we spent a day or two with my wife's sister, then on our way back home we spent a night with my mother. It was a very tiring trip. It seemed we were always on the go. There wasn't a whole lot of time to kick back. Next vacation we decided we are getting completely away from friends and family.

Still Working Out The Logistics

Things have been up in the air since we acquired the new funeral home. We're still hammering out the logistics of embalming, visitation, errands, and the like. Right now everything, with a couple of exceptions, are being handled at the primary location. The only exceptions are the death certificates and other paperwork of the calls at the new location are still being generated there, and the original owner is still meeting with families. Also, they still host their own visitations, but we staff them. Other than that, we handle all the embalming, errand running, memorial packages, etc.

Of course, this can be quite trying at times, especially when the paperwork from the new location is not quite up to snuff. For example, last week I made a removal and took the body to the cooler at the new location. I found a death certificate at the log-in desk with a note to have it filed and wait for the copies to be made, then return them to the new location. Well, when I got back to the original location, I looked the death certificate over to make sure it was in order. I found three things that should have been taken care of before I ever got it. Item one was a typo, which I had pointed out to my boss before I even took it to the doctor for signing. The next two items were the names of the deceased's parents. No first name for the father, no name at all for the mother. After fixing the typo, I called the new location and got the information and filled it in.

I filed it and waited for the copies. When I gave them to my boss, I pointed out that it was not ready for filing, that I had to fix those mistakes. His attitude was, "don't look at me, I didn't type it." I pointed out that he could have proofed it. His response was that he had other things to do. I told him that I did, too. He then asked me what they were, and I told him. He then informed me that the death certificate was more important than the tasks I was working on. I couldn't help but think that if it was so important, why didn't he give it the attention it deserved?

Another similiar incident happened today. Our errand guy also had one of their certificates that he was ordered to wait on. When he went to file it, it was rejected because the doctor had used White Out on the Cause of Death section, which is a violation of the requirements of the Vital Statistics office. (Certain items on a death certificate cannot, in any way, be altered or tampered with). So we had to generate a new certificate and take it back to the doctor. Had the certificate been checked upon it's return to the new location, steps could already have been taken to correct the situation.

I also had a run in with my boss yesterday. He does not know how to handle his subordinates. I chalk it up to youth and inexperience in supervising employees. (He's about 30, and has only worked one other job in his life). If I ask a question that he thinks is stupid, or that I should know better, he'll smart off with some wise-ass remark. For example, we had what I was told was a Greek family that came in off the street with a death in the family. Greeks bury their dead about 99.9% of the time, which is ironic considering ancient Greeks, for all intents and purposes, invented cremation. Anyhow, I was in the prep room working on an embalming, when I hear the doorbell ring, which I took to mean the Greek family had left. A few moments later my boss comes in, talking on his cell phone about a direct cremation call. So I assumed (mistake on my part) he was talking about the Greeks. He then went into the kitchen area and started posting this call on the board. I walked in behind him and asked, "So the Greeks went with direct cremation?" He snapped, "Does it look like I'm writing that on the board?" I told him I didn't appreciate being talked to like that, that a simple yes or no would have been sufficient. He starts fussing at me, "I don't know where you got the idea this was the same call? I don't want you getting your facts mixed up and passing out the wrong information." So I explained why I thought the Greek call was cremation, and pointed out to him, again, that he didn't have to talk to me like that; that all I wanted was a little respect.

I did turn the tables on him a few weeks ago, though. I made a removal and was instructed to contact the family, then call him when I had done that. I tried calling the family, but there was no answer, only a machine. A short while later, he calls and asks if I had made contact. I told him I got the machine, but would try in a little while. He told me to call him as soon as I made contact and let him know what was going on. I repeated back to him, "As soon as I make contact, I will call you." I tried to reach the family again, and got the machine again. This time I left a message. A short time later my boss calls. "Have you made contact yet?" Rather testily, I snapped back, "Have I called you yet?" It was the best part of my day.

All I can say is that one good thing to come out of this acquisition is the fact that my boss spends most of his time at the new location, which keeps him out of my hair.

Saturday Morning Surprise

Our secretary will be going on vacation next week. If you've been following this blog for a while, you'll know that when she's gone I'm the secretary, so to speak. Well, Monday is my day off, but guess who has to work it again? To offset that bit of bad news, I took off Friday after lunch. I knew when I left we had a body in the prep room, and that there would be a visitation. I just didn't know when. This morning I check in on the body and was surprised to see that no one had done anything since the embalming was accomplished. Cavity treatment, closing the incision, bathing...nothing had been done. Then I see in the obits the visitation is tomorrow. So I immediately started doing what I could. I removed all the medical tubes still inserted, glue the incision shut, wash the hair, bath the body, pack her (stuff cotton in the leaking orifice until it no longer leaks), and even put polish on her fingernails. The owner came over around lunch with the clothing, and we got her dressed, casketed and cosmetized. Tomorrow morning I'll take her over to the other location (the funeral home we recently acquired) and get ready for the visitation. The service is Monday morning, followed by burial at the National Cemetery. There is a limo, but since I'm acting secretary, I'll be exempt from working this funeral.